Memoirs of a Geisha

{Learning Experience #3}

     Most people say that I have an unlimited amount of stories to tell and to be honest, I would have to agree with them.  I would attribute these stories to my infamous awkward stage that regrettably lasted from preschool to my senior year of high school.  It was the stage that everyone goes through as a child, but for some reason, mine lasted way longer than most.

     I will start at the very beginning.  I was born on December 13, 1994 and I will not insert my baby picture because it would scare most of you reading this blog post.  However, overall, my first few childhood years were golden; people thought I had a cute smile, chubby legs, and pretty hair.  What more could a baby ask for?  But then I began to grow out of my cuteness and unfortunately, into my awkward stage. 

     It was a long day at preschool.  I was ready for my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and juice box.  I was tired and wanted to take a mid-day nap, but we had 20 minutes more of recess.  So, I decided to play tag.  Unfortunately, the game turned into 2 hooligan boys chasing me around the playground calling me “kissy face,” which I did not appreciate.  So, I did what any normal child would do, I bit the boy’s stomach.  Yes, you did hear correctly.  I bit his stomach and then I was sent to the principal’s office, oh happy day.

     Flash forward a year and I decided to become an artist after seeing the wonderful movie, Madeline, repeatedly.  I channeled my inner Picasso as I colored all over the art chairs one day in Kindergarten.  If that was not enough, I made sure to autograph my name all over the chairs with permanent marker, just like Madeline did in the movie.  However, I spelled my last name wrong.  When the teachers asked who vandalized the art chairs, I kept my mouth shut until a couple of hours later when I dramatically stood up in the middle of class and proclaimed, “I did it.  I colored on the art chairs.”  After a meeting with the principal and 2 hours of scrubbing sharpie off the chairs, I felt incredible remorse for my misdemeanor. 

     In middle school, my mom and I went on a cruise to Alaska for a week.  Before we flew back to California, we wanted to get some food so we would not be hungry later.  Burger King was the only place open so we decided to share a hamburger.  Halfway through the plane trip my stomach started hurting, but I assumed it was due to motion sickness.  When we got off the airplane and walked to baggage claim my stomachache continued to worsen.  It got so bad that I had to sit down on the baggage claim strip and close my eyes.  My mom leaned over me and asked me if I was ok and in that single moment, extreme nausea suddenly came over me.  I jerked my head up into my mom’s chin.  She blacked out and started seeing stars as I began throwing up all over baggage claim.  The people on our flight began fleeing the scene like there was some sort of natural disaster.  My mom thought I was blowing my nose until her vision came back and she saw the amount of people bracing themselves from the splash zone.

     As I grew up, I went through many different phases.  One year I wanted to be a chef, another year I wanted to be a fashion stylist, and the next year I wanted to be a filmmaker.  The filmmaker phase lasted a few too many months.  I made countless amounts of movies directed by Alex Smith, written by Alex Smith, edited by Alex Smith, and acted by Alex Smith.  They were all extremely odd and looking back on it now, humorous.  For example, in my freshman year high school history class I decided to film myself reading the “Asian Culture” chapter in my history book in a “Chinese accent” for a total of 20 minutes for a class project.  I put chopsticks in my hair, colored my eyebrows 10 shades too dark, and wore a kimono {picture attached below}.  In another video, I decided to make a murder mystery and film myself dying in a prom dress and a tiara.  Long story short, the entire film was Oscar worthy.

     So, there you have it; here are some key stories of my childhood that help demonstrate my youthful eccentricities.  Since this is a learning experience, I would say that I have learned from the mistakes I made in my awkward stage.  I have learned not to throw up in public places or bite peoples’ stomachs or show an embarrassing home video of yourself to your entire grade.  {To do: Thank my mom for enrolling me in an all girls’ high school to lessen my video embarrassment}.  Hopefully, these experiences will help you avoid scenarios that you will one day regret.

                                                  Pictured above: Memoirs of a Geisha